Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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