I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
