cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
