If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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