im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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