Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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