New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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