so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
