Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
