you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
