I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
