i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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