i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
