I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
