every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
