your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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