my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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