just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
