What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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