the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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