1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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