I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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