Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
