woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
