I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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