How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We have so much sex to catch up on
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize