he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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