My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
