I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
