I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You've changed since you got that strap on
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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