Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
