When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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