Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
