I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
is wine microwaveable?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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