woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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