Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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