I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
