I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
