Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
