You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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