Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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