He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
