Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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