he thought i was a dude.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
