I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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