What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
