last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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