Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize