About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Success! We fucked roommates!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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