i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
