yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
