So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
