That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
