Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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