You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
