Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
