no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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