Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
