It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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