I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
