that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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