and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
