I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I forget how to act sober
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