the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
