dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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