I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
