i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
