1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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