Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
