Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
