My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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