You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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