Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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